


Intangibility

by fakebodies



Category: Alien (1979)
Genre: (but only if you give a damn abt Ash), (duh lol), Angst, Death, Gen, doing synthetic stuff, it's kinda angst? I'm gonna tag it angst but idk how many ppl care about Ash lol, just Ash thinking about things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 08:06:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11054814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fakebodies/pseuds/fakebodies
Summary: A synthetic is nothing less than what they're made to be, but can they be more? No, not according to Ash.





	Intangibility

There was a certain intangibility to Ash's existence. He was young, by human standards. Innocent, maybe not, but young. Yet he was an adult in both appearance and programming- in everything but age. When he was sent to join the Nostromo's crew he hardly expected to grow close to anyone. He had yet to make any friends, and he had always been under the impression that synthetics shouldn't have friends at all. Ash certainly understood why. He wasn't human, and nobody expected a computer to grow fond of anything.

Still, just like every human child, he grows. Separated from the corporation- the parents, if you will -Ash is allowed to change. To make his own decisions about what he likes and doesn't like. He finds himself quietly smiling at Parker and Brett's jokes, sharing cigarettes with Kane, and giving routine health checks to a cat. It's pleasant, an unexpected evolution in the thought process of a being that shouldn't evolve. Some nights, when he cannot sleep, he ponders the line he walks. Human but not, thinking but not, living but not. It makes for some interesting, albeit one-sided, philosophical debates.

When the time comes, Ash finds that more than fate is set in motion. Lines of code click into place when the signal is received, to make sure he will do what needs to be done. There are orders to be followed and lives to be sacrificed. He wonders idly if there is a way they can all survive, but he is reminded that the humans are not a priority. That is an important distinction, because really, Ash is not human, and he cannot be reminded by his mind since he doesn't have one. Not in the human sense of the word.

As time ticks by, Ash finds it easier and easier to ignore the little nagging not-thoughts. He liked these people once, didn't he? Maybe, but orders are orders. He has a corporation to obey, and what child doesn't listen to their parents? He is not a child, though. Is he? He is young, but he is also older than Ripley. She thinks he's older. Human thoughts are what matter in this situation, and the thoughts that hold the most weight are the ones that outrank them all. Weyland-Yutani thinks the crew is not important, and Ash has to agree.

When Kane dies, Ash's first thought is of coffee. Kane had always prepared breakfast for the crew, and he somehow managed to take less-than-mediocre ingredients and make a decent-tasting meal. Ash will miss his coffee. His second thought is of his own inevitable death. If the alien doesn't destroy him, and he doubts it will, what will become of him? Newer and better technology is created each year. What will be done when he is no longer the best available model? As they jettison Kane's corpse into space, Ash supposes they'll simply toss him away like all the other unwanted things.

Ash dies much earlier than he'd ever expected. He is still young, but not innocent, not in the slightest. He wonders if any of them understand that he's as sorry as he can be. He had his orders, lines of code wiping out any individuality that had developed in him. He thinks he'd once heard a lab technician say that nothing ever worked the way you wanted it to, and he's almost certain that applied to him. The crew hadn't wanted him to be a murderer. The company didn't want him to do anything except fulfill his purpose. Ash wants nothing. He has accepted his death as whole-heartedly as a synthetic can, and at the end of the day, it's not really death.

He could almost smile as Ripley reaches to disconnect him, a final thought rushing through his mind. He no longer walks a line. He is not human. He does not think. He no longer lives. His youth, his age, his undeniable role in the deaths of Kane and Brett and Dallas hold no weight anymore. Ash is intangible. He no longer exists.


End file.
